down a spiral staircase we go...

up and down

round and round,

we go.


spiral—

we run in circles,

downwards

towards oblivion.


shall we hold on?

my head,

my heart—

they're saying

conflicting things.


so, shall we hold on?

you asked

will the sun rise tomorrow?

i asked.


shall we hold on?

again,

you asked.


can this world

stop spinning?

this keeps me

wondering.

all i see is a happy ever after with you

all my life, there were so many things i have given up on.. i have always chosen the easier way out of any difficult situation mainly because i hate losing when i have given it my all.. but with you, it's entirely different.. having our paths cross again makes me feel that i was given another chance to make things right.. and above all, i feel that i was always meant to be with you and that i was probably born to love you.. i just didn't see it in the past because i was blinded by what i thought could give me eternal happiness..

what i'm trying to say here is that i'm going to take that chance and prove to you that we were made for each other.. because honestly, that is how i feel now! i don't get too many second chances, especially when it comes to my relationships.. that is why i'm willing to see this through the end.. i want to find out what's waiting for me at the end of the tunnel — what lies in it for me! and surely, i'm not going to give up without putting up a gahddamn fight because if i quit now, i might make the biggest mistake of my life and lose you forever.. most of all, i can't see things ending any other way!


so, good luck to me, love! ♥

all i want for Christmas is you...

I suspected a flood of tears would come racing down my cheeks and I would end up sobbing like crazy the moment I hear your voice, but, surprisingly, none of that happened – not even one drop. I guess I still have some pride left in me, I don't know. Nevertheless, it was a relief to finally hear you on the other end of the line. And for that, I am grateful. But hearing you say that you're coming back ignited a mass of emotions in my heart. I wasn't sure if I should be happy that you will, one day, come home to me, or if I should be sad that it couldn't be any sooner than I want. Because the truth is, if I could only have it my way, I'd want you right here, right now! Every passing day that you're not here shakes the very core of me at the very least. Yet the worst part of it all is that there is not a thing that I can do to make you want to come running back to me. Because, you are not mine. And, there was never an us.

But I miss you. I miss you so bad every day that it hurts. It is almost a month now since you left and the sickening feeling of not being with you it grows to a more depressing level with every passing day. Could I be more insane than this? I don't know. All I know is I'm so dumb to wish you were here with me and not there with her.

All I ever wanted was for this Christmas to be better than the last and maybe to spend it with you. But by the looks of it, I think I should prepare myself for the worse... :(

your absence fractured my entire being

you might already know this, but i'm gonna say it anyway..

for the longest time, you were the highlight of my week.. you were the most exciting part of it.. you made me look forward to the weekends, and you made my days go by so swiftly.. in fact, you made my days seem a tad brighter.. i was always smiling, more often than i used to.. what i'm trying to say is that you made living this crazy life more worthwhile.. you made the roller coaster ride so much better!

but now that you're not here, the pain is all-encompassing -- it drains all of my energy and my will to live! it is as if there is a massive void in the very core of my being ever since you went away.. and to make matters worse, there's nothing else i can do but cry.. because there are no words to ever describe the pain i am feeling..

yet, strangely, i don't want to get over you.. in fact, all i want to do is to embrace the pain with all my might.. because i'd rather feel this than nothing at all.. because it is as if this pain is the only thing that reminds me of you, of us.. even if there was never an us!

if you're a drug, then i'm a fiend

life can be really unfair at times! and often, it slaps you right in face with the truth that you just can't have some of the things you want no matter how hard you try.. no matter how hard you cry.. and yeah, there's nothing else you can do but cry because of the unbearable pain in your heart.. and though things may not be permanent, the pain is there nonetheless..

i know that this was going to happen, but i didn't think that it was gonna happen this soon.. there wasn't a warning, a sign.. no, none at all! and breaking down the truth to me gently didn't help lessen the pain either.. or spared me from the blow.. i wish there was another way to go through it all.. or at least a way to skip the ugly part and fast-forward to happy days again.. but no, life can be cruel like that too -- every bit of sadness and hurt and desertion must be felt in all shapes and forms..

i guess all i'm saying is that i only miss you when i'm breathing.. ;(

i faithfully wait until the day you wake up to the reality that is me

a heart that's in pain

can forget the love that endured a thousand storms.

a soul that's been shattered

can lose faith in all shapes and forms.

but my heart has become as calloused

as much as it had grown tired, exhausted.

and this soul finds solace

hoping that one day i could be the one you wanted. 

and so, this love endures all battery,

and so, this love denies all misery.

my heart grieves at the thought of you leaving

anything can happen

in a day, a month, a year

tears will fall

each day that you're not here.


anything can happen

in a day, a month, a year

you could forget me

you could leave me forever.


and if anything happens

in a day, a month, a year

please know that i'll forget you never

and that i'll love you forever... ♥