you don't know and you don't care

realisation no. 1

from: http://weheartit.com/entry/11852211

heartache at its finest

i know it's unfair for me to treat her like a stranger, but i need to do this.. for myself.. for sanity's sake.. i have to distance myself from her so that i can mend my broken heart and to stop being bitter about everything that happened.. but i hope she knows that i don't hate her.. i can never hate her! i have no right to.. although she doesn't feel the same way about me, it's not enough reason for me to be mad at her.. i can't blame her heart for loving someone else, just as much as she can't blame me for feeling hurt and resentful.. besides, there's really no point forcing the issue when i knew right from the start that it was nothing more than a wishful thinking.. on top of that, i knew that her heart belongs to someone else all this time.. but i'm human and it's natural for someone who's had her heart crushed and shattered into a gazillion pieces to feel this way, right? :(

one day i'll find my own brand of happiness too

i've always wondered why it would rain (and even have storms) days or weeks before my birthday.. and my mom would tell me that it's God's way of showing me that His blessings will come pouring down on me.. i've always believed it, though there would be times that i'd doubt it.. nevertheless, i know there's a supreme being that watches over me.. and today, the downpour turned to be out a true blessing after all..

earlier, while i was sitting in front of my computer in the office, i prayed that the Lord will heal my heart and make me realise that it is time i stop all this nonsense.. without knowing, i got the answer to my prayer when i got out of the building and was waiting for my brother.. she walked in front of me with her girlfriend holding on to her and an umbrella.. boy, did i feel the world stopped for a second.. i'm not sure if it was the same girl from the past though.. since i was talking to my officemates, i didn't get the chance to let what happened sink in.. not until i was in the car when i realised that maybe that could be the answer to all my prayers.. it hurts, yeah.. but i know that she's in good hands and that she's truly happy now.. and for some reason, i find comfort at the thought that at least one of us is finally happy.. and though i know a bucket of tears are waiting to fall any minute now, i can say that this time, there'll be no more hoping and wishing and daydreaming of a happy ending with her..

happy birthday to me! :)

thank you, Lord for the best gift ever! :)

hey stranger, can you please smile my way?

isn't it strange that we always have episodes like this.. ignoring each other.. pretending we're not there.. do you have any idea how frustrating that is? i don't know what i did to make you treat me like that.. and i don't know what started it..

well, maybe you just take pleasure in ignoring me! *sigh*

in a constant battle with myself

my purging.. my catharsis..

you drifted into oblivion.. away from my arms forever

i guess i will never know what i did to change your feelings mind about me.. about us! i could have sworn i saw a flicker of hope some months ago.. but now, everything just seems so distant.. so indifferent..

i'm just wondering.. how easy was it for you to dismiss the idea that you so conveniently instilled in my mind? *sigh*