if only time can be a friend even just for once, i'd ask him to take me back to october of last year.. if that could happen, i would gladly undo a lot of things.. for one, i would have chosen to be the person you have always wanted me to be - a friend.. someone you can confide in.. someone who could have helped you through all the times when you needed a friend the most.. someone who would just be there without any hope.. without any agenda.. if that would have been the case, then none of this would have happened now.. but then, i guess i only have my heart to blame.. i always fall too hard so easily! and now, it pains me everytime i see you.. i can't even look at you anymore without feeling all the bitterness and resentment in my heart! had i known things would turn out this way, then i would have chosen a different place.. a different time.. everything could have been so much better between us!
i keep blaming my delusional heart for thinking that you might fall for me too.. and i keep cursing myself for being so bitter about everything.. because it hurts! it really, really, really hurts seeing you and not being able to talk to you or even just say hi or smile.. it's been quite a while and my fukcing heart just wouldn't stop beating for you! it just wouldn't stop aching for you! but i wish it would.. so that i don't have to crumble everytime i see you.. so my world doesn't have to stop everytime you're near.. so my heart wouldn't crush over and over and over again.. and most of all, so we can start all over again.. so we can be real good friends.. so there will be no more secret hopes.. no more hidden agenda.. just pure platonic relationship..
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