i can't go on like this anymore..

there really are times when i can't help but feel so helpless and frustrated and disappointed with how things are going between us.. every time i'm reminded that i can't be the one she wants, it makes me wanna rip my heart out of my chest and just erase her name completely from it! a friend told me that i shouldn't make a big deal about the things she does because they're really nothing to her.. but this stupid heart just wouldn't cooperate at all!

and after pining and wallowing for so long, i think i've given up completely.. to help me get through the whole fukcing process, i decided to deactivate my facebook account so i wouldn't be able to stalk her wall and read all her messages (which, by the way, only upsets me more, but i keep doing it anyway!).. i know i've been so stupid thinking, hoping she'd feel the same way about me one day.. that's why i'm determined to put a stop to this madness once and for all.. so help me, God..